Jason and I were talking this morning and I realize that I have a lot of growing up to do. Not just growing, but growing up. Let me explain. I came to the harsh realization that I have preconceived notions about what the end product of this process is going to look like. I admit, I have images of parents and children, skipping hand in hand, coming to church together with smiles on their faces because the parents have looked forward to being re-energized by Brad's preaching and to continue their children on the track to learning about Jesus by utilizing the CM (Children's Ministry for those who care :) ) as just 1 / 7 of their child's spiritual formation!
Of course, being the realist that he is, Jason brought me back down to earth.
What was intriguing about our conversation is the transparency that I am finding myself have now a days. I am much more open to admitting mistakes than I had ever been before in my life. My old paradigms are shattering and it is scary and it hurts at times, but I like what glimpses I see. I see myself becoming a little more dependent upon the faithfulness of God, rather than the faithfulness of Evan each day. For me, that is huge. However, God really droveit home in my reading this morning.
Exodus 4: 1 - 17 is a section of scripture that kicks me in the butt. I am a natural whiner. I'll admit it. When the weather is bad (for me, bad is cold and rainy...I'll take 20 degrees and snow or 75 and rain, but never the two should meet!), I'll whine. When my food isn't all that, I'll whine. When the Browns don't win (which is very often), I'll whine. Its in my blood.. However, I pale in comparison to Moses. We could have been mentor and mentee. He was the supreme whiner and I love verse 14..."Then the Lord's anger BURNED against Moses..." It was because Moses was doubting who God was calling him to be.
Then I realized, in all of this, I don't think Orange is just for the church and the health of the CM, but I think it is equally for me. I must realize that before a chidlren's pastor, I am a child of God, a husband and a father and if I'm not allowing God to help me hit at all cylinders in those positions, then I will be no good at being a children's pastor. I have to be willing to allow God to change me in this process to become what he wants me to become.
OK. I give. Just, can we be quick about it, Lord?...No?...Alright. Let's go.